Sometimes no matter how hard one person tries to bring civility to the conflict created by divorce or separating parents in a paternity case, the other spouse just does not respond at the same level.  You may be fighting over maintenance / alimony or child support, rather than custody.  Whatever the dispute, the animosity between you and your spouse or partner can have a life of its own.  If children are involved they can be hurt whether the situation is high conflict or just a continual undercurrent of brooding dislike.

Unfortunately we can’t change our emotions with a snap of the fingers.  But we can take some common sense steps to minimize ill will between parents and protect the children.   A few simple tips:

1. Avoid contact with the other parent by using daycare or school as an exchange point for children.
2. If you cannot transfer at daycare or school try a central, public location, where other people are apt to inhibit a display of temper.
3. Check with your lawyer about a new boyfriend or girlfriend.  They usually make divorces more complicated and can spark jealousy in the other parent, which makes dealing with that person harder.  
4. If you have a new love in your life, keep that person away from your children.  You will have to judge when the children can meet that person.  Remember that that person will likely be viewed as a replacement for the other parent and the reason that the child’s family has fallen apart.  If introduced too soon, the children will likely resent that person.
5. Always treat the other parent as you would like to be treated.  Courtesy begets courtesy. The children love that other parent and would like to see you getting along.
6. Let the other parent know as soon as possible if you cannot return the children on time or would be late for other occasions.
7. Keep conversations with the other parent focused on the practical issues.  Use self-discipline to avoid emotional topics.  Everyone needs to move on if for no one but the children.
8. Email and text messages are easily reproduced.  Keep everything polite and to the point.
9. Be sensible about rescheduling.  Does it create a real problem?
10. Be sure the children have what they need at the other parents—whether it is their medication or their favorite teddy bear or their book bag.  If you forgot it or the child forgot it at your house figure out a sensible way to get it where it is needed.
11. If you can’t get the children to a practice, game or other event during your time, call the other parent and try to work out a reasonable solution.
12. Be friendly to the other parent at school and sports events, etc.  Remember the children love you both and are more comfortable if you get along.