Missouri Legal Defense Blog

We are pleased to announce that Kramer and Hand has a new Arnold location!  

What is a Deposition?

Sometimes child custody and support cases, divorces and paternity cases, alimony and maintenance cases and even traffic ticket and criminal cases, felony and misdemeanor, come down to a “swearing match.”  Each person has a story to tell, which usually favors their side.  One of the Family Law Court Judges in Hillsboro, Jefferson County, Missouri, or a judge in St. Louis County or St. Louis City will have to decide who is telling the truth—or listen to everyone and decide what really happened.

Sometimes no matter how hard one person tries to bring civility to the conflict created by divorce or separating parents in a paternity case, the other spouse just does not respond at the same level.  You may be fighting over maintenance / alimony or child support, rather than custody.  Whatever the dispute, the animosity between you and your spouse or partner can have a life of its own.  If children are involved they can be hurt whether the situation is high conflict or just a continual undercurrent of brooding dislike.

Common Sense Parenting    

The hardest part of divorce for many children is the fighting that invariably goes on between their parents.  The Jefferson County Missouri Circuit Court under Honorable Timothy J. Patterson pioneered a video course for parents in the early nineties called “Children First.”  The whole idea of the Children First program was to teach parents to think of their “children first” before they took any actions which would affect the children.   Judges got tired of seeing children used as footballs and hostages.   Our Jefferson County Missouri Family Court has continued the tradition with its program “Supportive Parent.”

Parents who separate or divorce cannot rid themselves of contact with the other parent just by living separately.  Whether at a school play, soccer game, Christmas dinner, or wedding, the future is replete with events involving their children.   Consequently, no matter how high conflict the separation, parents who are getting a divorce and parents in paternity cases need to learn how to deal with each other when their children are involved.

The Jefferson County Missouri Family Court/Circuit Court has a rule requiring that parents who have disagreements about custody attend two hours of mediation.   Mediation is a process where a trained individual helps parents identify the issues about which they disagree and possible solutions.  Parents can then choose the right option in light of the best interest of the child.  Parents can learn how to deal with each other when they are required to interact in the mediation process.  A “rough and tumble” relationship needs to be transformed to a civil one because children are hurt when parents fight.

Mediation also can help people decide how property should be divided, whether child support needs to be paid, and how much child support is appropriate.   People can often reach agreements in mediation if they can strip away emotions and look at the options outside of the courtroom.  Mediation is also a much less expensive way to resolve issues in a divorce or paternity.  Compared to the cost of litigation, mediation is very inexpensive.

Kramer and Hand can help with your mediation issues.  If you choose to try to resolve your differences through mediation, Kourtney Lamb in the Arnold office and Alice Kramer in the Hillsboro office are ready to meet your needs.

1.  DRUGS.  This should go without saying, but I will say it. You must remember that while your case is pending you could be tested for drugs at any time. (Hair follicle tests can go back 3 to 6 months.)  This is especially true if you have children and custody may be an issue.

2.  LEAVE NASTY MESSAGES.  At the end of the day, even though we hope to settle peacefully, your divorce is still a lawsuit which may need to be litigated.  Voicemails, texts, and e-mails are all easy to save for use as evidence later. No matter how upset or justified you are, be very, very conscious of what you put in writing or on a recording device.  It could come back to haunt you at trial.

3. YELL OR GET ANGRY IN FRONT OF THE JUDGE, GAL OR CLERKS.  There are very few times in life when a person has more reason to be stressed out or on edge than during a divorce or custody battle.  That being said, it is important to NEVER yell, curse, or get angry in front of your children’s GAL, the judge, or other Court employees.  It is these people’s job to make judgment about you and what is best for your children in a very short period of time based on very few interactions with you.  Make certain that those interactions are positive ones so that you can be seen by the Court in the best light possible.

4. SKIP COURT.  If your attorney or the Court sends you notice of a Court date, assume you need to be there.  While there are often times when your attorney may advise you not to come to court, you should never assume that this is the case.  Bad things happen to people who miss their court dates, so be there unless you are positive you don’t need to be.

5. LIE TO YOUR LAWYER.    It is essential to quality representation that your attorney knows the truth about your case.  What you say to your attorney is confidential, and cannot be used against you.  However, if your attorney does not know what is really going on, he/she could do something to harm your case without knowing it.  For example, if you assure your attorney you have not smoked marijuana (but you have), he/she may run to court and zealously demand that the opposing party be drug tested, at which time you would also be drug tested…you get the idea.

6.  POST THINGS ON FACEBOOK.  We all love the internet, but certain things are best kept private during a divorce.  Party pictures involving alcohol (no matter how fun it was), pictures of your new main squeeze (no matter how great he/she is), and comments about your ex (no matter how annoying he/she can be) are not appropriate to post when you are involved in civil litigation.  Don’t post anything online during litigation that you would not want published on the front page of the newspaper.  (In the event you would want your ex’s numerous faults to be published on the front page of the newspaper, refrain from putting it online anyway.  (At least for now.))

Every day, a shocking number of people in Missouri go to jail over minor offenses simply because they failed to pay attention.  No matter how minor a charge, a missed court date or an overlooked criminal summons could result in a person's being arrested and held in jail.  However, with proper care, these mistakes can be easily avoided.

If you are charged with a crime or traffic offense, you will generally learn about your court case in one of two ways.  In most misdemeanor cases in Jefferson County, the Court issues a criminal summons.  A summons is basically a letter that tells you when and where you need to appear in court.  In the event your crime is more serious, or you for some reason don't receive your summons in the mail, the Court may issue an arrest warrant.